From presidential extractions to Greenland invasions, 2026 is off to a raucous start. As if things weren’t strange enough, the Bank of England is now preparing for alien disclosure (kinda wild right ?!), warning it could crash markets and send everyone fleeing into bitcoin.
Other top stories from the week include:
Wall St.’s quantum fears around Bitcoin are now being met by new tech.
Steak n’ Shake shows what it means to thrive as a BTCTC.
Another Ivy League institution begins stacking Bitcoin.
Latest News
Adoption
Geyser Fund launches all-or-nothing Bitcoin crowdfunding, allowing creators to raise only what they truly need, with funds released only if goals are met and automatic refunds if they are not.
Bitcoin Policy Institute releases an interactive model showing that under the Bitcoin for America Act, allocating just 1% of US tax payments to BTC could build a roughly 4.2M bitcoin reserve by 2045.
BTQ launches Bitcoin Quantum, a permissionless Bitcoin fork testnet enabling miners and developers to stress-test quantum-resistant transactions on a live network with a block explorer and mining pool.
Regulation
Bank of England, former analyst Helen McCaw warns confirmation of extraterrestrial life could spark instant financial chaos and bank runs, predicting a flight to bitcoin as trust in backed assets collapses.
Trump Admin confirms no Bitcoin seized in the Samourai Wallet case has been sold, with Patrick Witt stating the assets remain on the U.S. balance sheet and are designated for the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve.
The White House may pull support for the crypto market structure bill after calling Coinbase’s unilateral withdrawal of support a “rug pull,” with admin backing now contingent on Coinbase securing a yield deal.y
Markets
Jefferies removes Bitcoin from its Greed & Fear portfolio, shifting the 10% allocation into gold and miners, citing rising quantum computing risks to Bitcoin’s long-term store-of-value thesis.
Dartmouth College discloses a new $10M IBIT position, becoming the latest Ivy League endowment after Harvard and Brown to gain direct Bitcoin exposure
Treasury
Steak 'n Shake announces a $10M Bitcoin purchase, describing the approach as a self-reinforcing system that ties sales growth, food quality improvements, and long-term Bitcoin accumulation.
New York Times publishes a hit piece on Michael Saylor, casting him as a “fraudster” and drawing criticism from VanEck for pulling quotes “wildly out of context.”
Strive acquires Semler Scientific in an all-stock transaction, adding 5,048 BTC and bringing Strive’s total Bitcoin holdings to 12,674 BTC valued near $1.1 billion.
Mining
Bitdeer overtakes MARA as world’s largest Bitcoin miner, reaching 71 EH/s (~6% global hash rate), up 18% m/m and 229% y/y, while selling mined BTC to fund its AI pivot.
CleanSpark is set to acquire 447 acres of land in Brazoria County, Texas, gaining access to 300 megawatts of power, with plans to expand that to 600 megawatts.
Canaan Inc, the Bitcoin mining rig manufacturer receives a Nasdaq deficiency notice after its shares closed below $1 for 30 consecutive business days, falling short of minimum bid requirements.
Politics
Eric Adams launches a Solana-based $NYC memecoin that briefly hit a ~$500M market cap before crashing near $90M within minutes, after on-chain data showed liquidity was removed shortly thereafter.
Iran sees a surge in Bitcoin withdrawals to personal wallets following the Jan. 8 internet shutdown, as the rial sharply weakens and users turn to self-custody as a hedge against censorship.
Get a Bitcoin Loan
Unlock liquidity from your BTC today with Arch.
We let serious Bitcoin holders borrow against their Bitcoin with institutional-grade custody, transparent terms, and white glove service.
Bam’s 2 Sats
Become a Wholecoiner Before It’s Too Late
A few days ago, I saw a post from a proud Bitcoiner celebrating a rare milestone: becoming a wholecoiner at just 28.
What an achievement, especially at that age and at today’s Bitcoin price.

by fiatarchive
A few years ago, when BTC traded at roughly half its current value, these posts were far more common. Today, they’re rare, and for good reason.
First, the price. Becoming a wholecoiner today requires years of relentless conviction or starting with significant capital. And let’s be honest, not everyone goes all in on Bitcoin, especially not with large amounts of existing wealth.
For younger people just starting their careers, owning a full Bitcoin can feel outright impossible. Imagine entering the workforce in an economy where everything is expensive, yet somehow managing to save $1,000 per month into Bitcoin. Even if the price never moved, it would still take nearly eight years to accumulate a full coin.
Historically, Bitcoin’s eight year CAGR is about 30%, roughly a 600% gain since 2017. Someone dollar cost averaging $1,000 monthly from near the December 2017 top would have accumulated about 6.34 BTC, a 510% return on invested capital. Impressive, even by Bitcoin standards.

by bitcoindollarcostaverage.com
But now let’s be conservative. Assume Bitcoin compounds at “only” 20% annually going forward. When does a $1,000-per-month saver reach one full Bitcoin?
The answer is never.
After eight years, they would hold about 57% of a BTC. From there, compounding works against accumulation. Even after 50 years of steady buying, they would reach only around 75% of a coin, with Bitcoin near $75M at that point, making that disciplined DCAer a multimillionaire anyway.
That’s the reality of becoming a wholecoiner today.

Bitcoin on 20% CAGR Growth
So congratulations to those who made it. For most people starting today, it’s simply not realistic unless monthly contributions rise to $2,000, reaching a full coin in about six years, or unless Bitcoin enters a prolonged bear market.
And given the choice between those two outcomes, a sustained 20% CAGR still seems far more likely.
Stay safe and keep on stacking!
- Bam
Bitcoin Trivia
This Week on Bitcoin News [Live]
Would alien disclosure be the ultimate marketing campaign for Bitcoin?
Join us live today as Rob Wallace sits down with Rogzy, co-founder of Plan B Network, to break down the news and explore the game theory between aliens and BTC.






